Monday, March 30, 2009
We're Baaackkkk......
Hey all! We have returned from our South Dakota trip & remarkably all in one piece! The adoption went well the Friday before we left so we now have 6 official Freng Family members. Shamie's adoption is next Monday. So excited for everyone to be Frengs. The week in South Dakota will make for a lot of fun blog content. But, for now, just wanted to touch base to let you know we are back & had a good time. Horses, 4-wheelers, tractors, swimming pools, buffets (did I ever mention how much Midwesterners love a good buffet?), buffets, buffets, candy, grandparents, cousins, FUN!! For now-please keep us in your prayers. We have a lot going on & as I've mentioned before re-entry is always difficult. Pray for good decision making, patience, patience, patience & GRACE (towards our children & for ourselves). Glad to be home.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
For the record...
I want all of my blog readers to know that I LOVE the adoption process. While frustrating, irritating, & character-building, it has been an amazing process. We got to add 3 awesome people to our family-in 8 short months. I know that my blog posts often focus on how "horrible" the process is.
Yes-the process, in & of itself, is horrible. I will admit that. The system is terribly, sickeningly flawed-from every angle. But-we are dealing with human lives & that is never, ever easy or simple. It can't just be a cut & dried process.
What I want you all to know is that it is the PROCESS that I abhor. We have been blessed by wonderful, compassionate, & helpful caseworkers who love our children. Yes, sometimes they don't respond as quickly as I would like, sometimes they don't know the answer to my questions, sometimes they mess up paperwork, sometimes it seems like they don't understand the process either. However, we are not living in a vacuum. My children are not the only kids on their caseload. The caseworkers are over-worked, grossly underpaid, & doing the best they can within a system that is set up for burn-out, manipulation, and failure.
When I mention the word, "caseworker" what comes to mind? My mind instantly goes to the "Hollywood" version of a old battle ax hag who doesn't give a lick about kids, safety, or their bio parents who are so, so lost in this world. In all of the people we've met within the 2 counties we are working with I can tell you that I have not met one person who has not been helpful (in some way), well-meaning, & doing the best they can. Please, please pray for all of those caseworkers out there around the world who are working in bad situations trying to make those situations just a little bit brighter. Pray also as things will probably continue to get worse for county workers. Abuse & Neglect are closely tied to poverty. With the economy as it is-an influx is coming.
So-to close...yes, the system is bad. It's a roller coaster, for sure. But you know what? I love roller coasters! Let us get our bearings & then look for us to be hopping back on again. Wanna join us?
Yes-the process, in & of itself, is horrible. I will admit that. The system is terribly, sickeningly flawed-from every angle. But-we are dealing with human lives & that is never, ever easy or simple. It can't just be a cut & dried process.
What I want you all to know is that it is the PROCESS that I abhor. We have been blessed by wonderful, compassionate, & helpful caseworkers who love our children. Yes, sometimes they don't respond as quickly as I would like, sometimes they don't know the answer to my questions, sometimes they mess up paperwork, sometimes it seems like they don't understand the process either. However, we are not living in a vacuum. My children are not the only kids on their caseload. The caseworkers are over-worked, grossly underpaid, & doing the best they can within a system that is set up for burn-out, manipulation, and failure.
When I mention the word, "caseworker" what comes to mind? My mind instantly goes to the "Hollywood" version of a old battle ax hag who doesn't give a lick about kids, safety, or their bio parents who are so, so lost in this world. In all of the people we've met within the 2 counties we are working with I can tell you that I have not met one person who has not been helpful (in some way), well-meaning, & doing the best they can. Please, please pray for all of those caseworkers out there around the world who are working in bad situations trying to make those situations just a little bit brighter. Pray also as things will probably continue to get worse for county workers. Abuse & Neglect are closely tied to poverty. With the economy as it is-an influx is coming.
So-to close...yes, the system is bad. It's a roller coaster, for sure. But you know what? I love roller coasters! Let us get our bearings & then look for us to be hopping back on again. Wanna join us?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Fun & Funny
Just received an email telling me that if we could get all the paperwork necessary together in time we could in fact finalize the adoptions of all 3 kiddos on Friday.
What the? Seriously!?!
Why in the world did no ONE-not ONE person tell us this was even a remote possibility. It's not as if we haven't been working to this end for the PAST EIGHT MONTHS!! Let's try to slam together tons of work, paperwork, and extreme frustration into 2 days-sounds like a GREAT plan.
Yep-that is YOUR hard-earned taxpayer dollars at work my friend.
Praise God this is almost over.
What the? Seriously!?!
Why in the world did no ONE-not ONE person tell us this was even a remote possibility. It's not as if we haven't been working to this end for the PAST EIGHT MONTHS!! Let's try to slam together tons of work, paperwork, and extreme frustration into 2 days-sounds like a GREAT plan.
Yep-that is YOUR hard-earned taxpayer dollars at work my friend.
Praise God this is almost over.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The end is in sight
On Monday we received word that we would be finalizing our adoptions of Jasmine & Brian this Friday. We are super excited. We then leave for Spring Break in the new vacation HOT SPOT-South Dakota. When we get back we will finalize our adoption of Shamie.
It is very confusing process-the easy way to "get it" is that the kids are followed by two different counties based on where their parents were living when the kids were originally removed. Make sense!?! No, not to us either. It's a crazy process that we are glad to be bringing to a close. The real work will begin when the adoptions are finalized. We won't have caseworkers, guardian ad litem's (GAL's), and every other person on the planet coming to our house every month. At the same time, we won't have as many people to call if we are having "problems". Our support staff will reduce drastically. It will all be worth it though.
Keep us in your prayers for this huge event in our lives, our travel with 5 little beings (praise God we are NOT bringing the dog this time), and for our general well being. History has shown us that transitions, changes, and "big" events tend to trigger some behaviors & frustrations. I have to remember that while this is awesome and amazingly exciting (for us), it is the final slamming shut of that small window of possibility that the kids will be reunited with their birth parents. For us, this is obviously a blessing. For the kids-or at least Jasmine-this could be tumultous. When you are a kid-your parents are your parents. Even if they do NOTHING right-they are still your parents & you love them. You don't know better & you don't know it any other way. Please pray specifically for Jasmine that she would be comforted during this confusing time in her life.
Thanks for loving us.
It is very confusing process-the easy way to "get it" is that the kids are followed by two different counties based on where their parents were living when the kids were originally removed. Make sense!?! No, not to us either. It's a crazy process that we are glad to be bringing to a close. The real work will begin when the adoptions are finalized. We won't have caseworkers, guardian ad litem's (GAL's), and every other person on the planet coming to our house every month. At the same time, we won't have as many people to call if we are having "problems". Our support staff will reduce drastically. It will all be worth it though.
Keep us in your prayers for this huge event in our lives, our travel with 5 little beings (praise God we are NOT bringing the dog this time), and for our general well being. History has shown us that transitions, changes, and "big" events tend to trigger some behaviors & frustrations. I have to remember that while this is awesome and amazingly exciting (for us), it is the final slamming shut of that small window of possibility that the kids will be reunited with their birth parents. For us, this is obviously a blessing. For the kids-or at least Jasmine-this could be tumultous. When you are a kid-your parents are your parents. Even if they do NOTHING right-they are still your parents & you love them. You don't know better & you don't know it any other way. Please pray specifically for Jasmine that she would be comforted during this confusing time in her life.
Thanks for loving us.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Arghh.......
Today is NOT a good day. Please be prepared for the following post to be frustrated, angry, and probably rude. I probably should decompress before typing but in some sad, sick way I can look back at this later & realize that it really isn't that big of deal. Today, it feels like a big deal. As I type this, both Jasmine & Brian are sitting in time out AGAIN!! Brian reverted back to his old-school 45 minute tantrum . In the middle of it we had to go get Jasmine from school so we had a lot of yelling in the van. I always feel bad for the other kids in the car. Isaac & Shamie were screaming because Brian was yelling so loud & at such an intense pitch (he seriously screams like a girl). So much so, that I pulled the van over-put Brian outside on the sidewalk. Told him that he could not get back into the van until he was finished screaming & got back in the van-closed & locked all of the doors. I gave the mailman & a passerby quite a show. Truthfully, I don't think they knew what to do with it. I just waved as they passed by gawking. If they would have asked, I would have told them the whole story-but they didn't. I'm sure it gave them a good story to tell people later about the crazy woman in the Honda Odyssey.
I want to start by saying that my kids, all 5 of them, are amazing. They are blessings from God & I am so thankful that they are in my life. That being said-even the biggest blessing can be FRUSTRATING!
I need to explain a little bit about my adopted kids. Chronologically they are 6, 4, and 3. However, emotionally, developmentally, and cognitively they are not even close to their age(s). Prior to our home, they were not properly cared for or loved. They don't trust anyone because they have never had anyone in their life that hasn't hurt them or left them. That SUCKS. It absolutely, positively sucks. My heart hurts for them. I will never know the pain that they endured or that they currently endure. It makes me sad to think about.
Yesterday, my post had a link to a video on true compassion. Today, in writing this post, I feel like the world's most non-compassionate person. I know all of the above to be true. We got the story before the kids moved in. We were prepared for all the hurt, all the yuck, all the junk, all the baggage. Seriously, what in bleep were we thinking? How is anyone prepared for all that yack?
We are SO grossly under equipped. We have taken a couple classes in which they pointed out that just loving people hard is not enough. At the time you think, "well, yeah, obviously". Later, in the heat of it, you realize that you can't convince people who have never known love that you "love" them. And as sick as it is, sometimes you can't convince yourself that you love them either.
I am SO tired of arguing & fighting. I am not afraid to call crap "crap". We are dealing with a lot, a lot of crap. Dan & I are officially the stupidest people on the planet according to at least 2 of our children-and they are not even teenagers!! I am re-implementing the zero-tolerance policy. You get one chance to do what we ask & if not-time out. The kids will all tell us they "don't want to". To which I reply, "I didn't ask if you wanted to-I told you to do it." That may seem harsh-but keep in mind-the things we are typically asking them to do are-put on shoes to go outside when it just snowed, use the potty before bedtime, wash your hands after playing outside and petting the dog. We aren't asking them to scrub the floor with a toothbrush or pick up Thelma's poop. Maybe we should start asking-then at least we'd get some chores done around here.
I guess the point of this long rant is to pose the question-is it compassionate to let your kids settle for playing in the muck? There is some quote about helping people to picture a day at the beach (a real beach not the nasty beaches we have here or in the midwest) when all they know and are perfectly content to do is play in the muck. That is totally paraphrased & probably out of context-but it feels like what we are dealing with. I know that my kids have suffered injustices that I will never know or understand and that their behavior is a result of all of that. But-I can't buy into the notion that it is okay to just let them continue to do it.
Well-I'd better close. Brian is playing with our giant golf club set & Jasmine is playing with our soft baseball set-about 2 feet apart. But since I am really, really dumb my suggestion that they move apart is being ignored. I'm about to enjoy a really good show. Will fill you in on any need for stitches.
I want to start by saying that my kids, all 5 of them, are amazing. They are blessings from God & I am so thankful that they are in my life. That being said-even the biggest blessing can be FRUSTRATING!
I need to explain a little bit about my adopted kids. Chronologically they are 6, 4, and 3. However, emotionally, developmentally, and cognitively they are not even close to their age(s). Prior to our home, they were not properly cared for or loved. They don't trust anyone because they have never had anyone in their life that hasn't hurt them or left them. That SUCKS. It absolutely, positively sucks. My heart hurts for them. I will never know the pain that they endured or that they currently endure. It makes me sad to think about.
Yesterday, my post had a link to a video on true compassion. Today, in writing this post, I feel like the world's most non-compassionate person. I know all of the above to be true. We got the story before the kids moved in. We were prepared for all the hurt, all the yuck, all the junk, all the baggage. Seriously, what in bleep were we thinking? How is anyone prepared for all that yack?
We are SO grossly under equipped. We have taken a couple classes in which they pointed out that just loving people hard is not enough. At the time you think, "well, yeah, obviously". Later, in the heat of it, you realize that you can't convince people who have never known love that you "love" them. And as sick as it is, sometimes you can't convince yourself that you love them either.
I am SO tired of arguing & fighting. I am not afraid to call crap "crap". We are dealing with a lot, a lot of crap. Dan & I are officially the stupidest people on the planet according to at least 2 of our children-and they are not even teenagers!! I am re-implementing the zero-tolerance policy. You get one chance to do what we ask & if not-time out. The kids will all tell us they "don't want to". To which I reply, "I didn't ask if you wanted to-I told you to do it." That may seem harsh-but keep in mind-the things we are typically asking them to do are-put on shoes to go outside when it just snowed, use the potty before bedtime, wash your hands after playing outside and petting the dog. We aren't asking them to scrub the floor with a toothbrush or pick up Thelma's poop. Maybe we should start asking-then at least we'd get some chores done around here.
I guess the point of this long rant is to pose the question-is it compassionate to let your kids settle for playing in the muck? There is some quote about helping people to picture a day at the beach (a real beach not the nasty beaches we have here or in the midwest) when all they know and are perfectly content to do is play in the muck. That is totally paraphrased & probably out of context-but it feels like what we are dealing with. I know that my kids have suffered injustices that I will never know or understand and that their behavior is a result of all of that. But-I can't buy into the notion that it is okay to just let them continue to do it.
Well-I'd better close. Brian is playing with our giant golf club set & Jasmine is playing with our soft baseball set-about 2 feet apart. But since I am really, really dumb my suggestion that they move apart is being ignored. I'm about to enjoy a really good show. Will fill you in on any need for stitches.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Good Mental Images for Today
Today is my "re-entry" into parenting after basically 2 days off. Re-entry is never, ever fun. The kids are having a tough day, to put it pleasantly. Instead of rambling on & on about all the goofy things that have happened today I'll just put a mental picture in your head. I had to pick up our family pictures from the photographer. I was really excited to go & get them so we can get them up on the wall. Well...my 3 youngest did NOT share my enthusiasm for leaving the house.
After much coaxing, this is how we looked when we left the house. Brian had on yellow rainboots, a winter coat, stocking cap, & gloves. Shamie refused to put on either her coat or her shoes (I've learned quickly that if I forcefully put them on-they get taken right back off, then it becomes a battle of wills or potentially an abusive situation as I man-handle her)-so, Shamie was wearing her clothes and her socks but no coat or shoes. Isaac, oh my sweet, precious, strong-willed Isaac. He was very, very mad that we could not take the "little car" & he was locking down on leaving the house. So-after a lot of discussion, Isaac left the house wearing pajama shorts, a Hawaiian shirt & nothing else. Can you even imagine what the lady at the picture place thought? Oh well.
As I was preparing to write this blog I checked out another blog that I frequent from a missionary couple in Haiti. Her post today was awesome & much needed to get me out of my hum-drum, feel sorry for myself mood. I put the link in-it will give you a much better mental image of what we, as followers of Jesus, should be doing.
Enjoy!
http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2009/03/hivaids.html
After much coaxing, this is how we looked when we left the house. Brian had on yellow rainboots, a winter coat, stocking cap, & gloves. Shamie refused to put on either her coat or her shoes (I've learned quickly that if I forcefully put them on-they get taken right back off, then it becomes a battle of wills or potentially an abusive situation as I man-handle her)-so, Shamie was wearing her clothes and her socks but no coat or shoes. Isaac, oh my sweet, precious, strong-willed Isaac. He was very, very mad that we could not take the "little car" & he was locking down on leaving the house. So-after a lot of discussion, Isaac left the house wearing pajama shorts, a Hawaiian shirt & nothing else. Can you even imagine what the lady at the picture place thought? Oh well.
As I was preparing to write this blog I checked out another blog that I frequent from a missionary couple in Haiti. Her post today was awesome & much needed to get me out of my hum-drum, feel sorry for myself mood. I put the link in-it will give you a much better mental image of what we, as followers of Jesus, should be doing.
Enjoy!
http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2009/03/hivaids.html
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Certifications...
I am officially certified as a ENA ENPC Provider. I had to take this class at Children's for work. It means that I can hopefully save your child if he lands himself in a traumatic situation. In theory... But, I did chest compressions & bag mask ventilation beautifully on the dummy. The thing I always learn from these classes is that I need to walk my kids everywhere & wrap them in bubble wrap before we go. Seeing picture after picture after picture of kids in traumatic events makes even the most stoic person woozy.
The class entailed 2 full days (8a-5p) of classroom time. I typically work nights (7p-7a) so that childcare isn't an issue. This week Dan was an amazing trooper-as he always is, but extra so this week. He took care of 5 kids, shuttled them to & fro to school, preschool, got home in time for speech therapy(ies)-while he was doing all of this he was also attending staff meetings, work meetings, a board meeting, premarital counseling, volunteering at North Littleton Promise, leading his Denver Seminary spiritual formation group, & the list goes on.
The thing that makes Dan get an extra gold star today is that he got 5 kids up, dressed, fed, & to school plus cleaned up more dog poo than is physically possible for one basset hound to produce all before 8:30 am! He had to give old Thelma a bath after he dropped the kids off.
Anyone want a basset hound?
The class entailed 2 full days (8a-5p) of classroom time. I typically work nights (7p-7a) so that childcare isn't an issue. This week Dan was an amazing trooper-as he always is, but extra so this week. He took care of 5 kids, shuttled them to & fro to school, preschool, got home in time for speech therapy(ies)-while he was doing all of this he was also attending staff meetings, work meetings, a board meeting, premarital counseling, volunteering at North Littleton Promise, leading his Denver Seminary spiritual formation group, & the list goes on.
The thing that makes Dan get an extra gold star today is that he got 5 kids up, dressed, fed, & to school plus cleaned up more dog poo than is physically possible for one basset hound to produce all before 8:30 am! He had to give old Thelma a bath after he dropped the kids off.
Anyone want a basset hound?
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