Arghh.......

Today is NOT a good day. Please be prepared for the following post to be frustrated, angry, and probably rude. I probably should decompress before typing but in some sad, sick way I can look back at this later & realize that it really isn't that big of deal. Today, it feels like a big deal. As I type this, both Jasmine & Brian are sitting in time out AGAIN!! Brian reverted back to his old-school 45 minute tantrum . In the middle of it we had to go get Jasmine from school so we had a lot of yelling in the van. I always feel bad for the other kids in the car. Isaac & Shamie were screaming because Brian was yelling so loud & at such an intense pitch (he seriously screams like a girl). So much so, that I pulled the van over-put Brian outside on the sidewalk. Told him that he could not get back into the van until he was finished screaming & got back in the van-closed & locked all of the doors. I gave the mailman & a passerby quite a show. Truthfully, I don't think they knew what to do with it. I just waved as they passed by gawking. If they would have asked, I would have told them the whole story-but they didn't. I'm sure it gave them a good story to tell people later about the crazy woman in the Honda Odyssey.

I want to start by saying that my kids, all 5 of them, are amazing. They are blessings from God & I am so thankful that they are in my life. That being said-even the biggest blessing can be FRUSTRATING!

I need to explain a little bit about my adopted kids. Chronologically they are 6, 4, and 3. However, emotionally, developmentally, and cognitively they are not even close to their age(s). Prior to our home, they were not properly cared for or loved. They don't trust anyone because they have never had anyone in their life that hasn't hurt them or left them. That SUCKS. It absolutely, positively sucks. My heart hurts for them. I will never know the pain that they endured or that they currently endure. It makes me sad to think about.

Yesterday, my post had a link to a video on true compassion. Today, in writing this post, I feel like the world's most non-compassionate person. I know all of the above to be true. We got the story before the kids moved in. We were prepared for all the hurt, all the yuck, all the junk, all the baggage. Seriously, what in bleep were we thinking? How is anyone prepared for all that yack?

We are SO grossly under equipped. We have taken a couple classes in which they pointed out that just loving people hard is not enough. At the time you think, "well, yeah, obviously". Later, in the heat of it, you realize that you can't convince people who have never known love that you "love" them. And as sick as it is, sometimes you can't convince yourself that you love them either.

I am SO tired of arguing & fighting. I am not afraid to call crap "crap". We are dealing with a lot, a lot of crap. Dan & I are officially the stupidest people on the planet according to at least 2 of our children-and they are not even teenagers!! I am re-implementing the zero-tolerance policy. You get one chance to do what we ask & if not-time out. The kids will all tell us they "don't want to". To which I reply, "I didn't ask if you wanted to-I told you to do it." That may seem harsh-but keep in mind-the things we are typically asking them to do are-put on shoes to go outside when it just snowed, use the potty before bedtime, wash your hands after playing outside and petting the dog. We aren't asking them to scrub the floor with a toothbrush or pick up Thelma's poop. Maybe we should start asking-then at least we'd get some chores done around here.

I guess the point of this long rant is to pose the question-is it compassionate to let your kids settle for playing in the muck? There is some quote about helping people to picture a day at the beach (a real beach not the nasty beaches we have here or in the midwest) when all they know and are perfectly content to do is play in the muck. That is totally paraphrased & probably out of context-but it feels like what we are dealing with. I know that my kids have suffered injustices that I will never know or understand and that their behavior is a result of all of that. But-I can't buy into the notion that it is okay to just let them continue to do it.

Well-I'd better close. Brian is playing with our giant golf club set & Jasmine is playing with our soft baseball set-about 2 feet apart. But since I am really, really dumb my suggestion that they move apart is being ignored. I'm about to enjoy a really good show. Will fill you in on any need for stitches.