That's a great title, huh!?! Certainly peaked your curiosity and got you here so score 1 for me ;) Now what in the heck am I talking about???
Proverbs 26:11- Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.
This verse, as graphic and disturbing as it is, has been running through my mind for the past couple of days. I am currently experiencing a beyond frustrating, multiple time daily occurrence of a child who just will NOT listen. Like never, ever, EVER. This child isn't necessarily naughty or disrespectful about it but doesn't listen just the same.
Here is the hard part. Multiple times DAILY at EVERY meal I say things like, "4 on the floor" which means all legs of your chair on the floor at all times so you don't fall down. Well again this AM, above mentioned child was up on two legs and lo and behold fell over. This same child was quite perturbed at me when I dusted him off, did a quick visual assessment for injury, and said, "4 on the floor buddy." I got the look and the attitude of, I canNOT believe that you are NOT calling the national guard in to care for me in my emotional distress. What kind of mother are you???? Everything in me wanted to just say over and over, "what did I tell you?" "How many times have I told you?". I think I did manage to slip in a "that's why we listen bud. Dad & I don't just talk to hear ourselves talk". Which is really effective, right!?! I mean, I, for SURE, began to listen when my mom said THAT.
SO many readers are probably thinking, "Been there, done that. No big deal." True, True. However, this is one example of what happens over and over and OVER DAILY! It begins to wear on a mama when you are treated like you are not worth being listened to and THEN treated like a horrible mom for not preventing these terrible tragedies.
Being a bit of a anxiety & control freak, these experiences take me back to the verse, "Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly- Proverbs 26:11". I grew up on a farm so I can tell you that a dog does indeed return to his vomit. I don't want that for my child. I don't want him to keep making the same silly mistakes over and over and over. Obvious reasons include keeping him safe but truthfully, the deeper reasons include wanting to be respected, listened to, feel important and be in control. My nighttime worry is that the older he gets, the bigger the "silly" mistakes will be. I have said to Dan many times that we'll never be able to live overseas because, "who will bail our kids out of jail?" Which is a joke but it's the kind of joke that buries itself deep into the heart and mind as a what-if??
My question is WHY??? Why am I not worth being listened to? Why doesn't he learn from his mistakes? Why Lord? Why Lord? WHY??? I will never know the real answer but from where I sit it looks and feels a lot like a trust issue. He doesn't feel like I am trustworthy, like I am safe. I allow him to get hurt…allowed him to get hurt in ways I cannot even imagine before I even knew of him. Whether these beliefs are true or not, they are his beliefs. I cannot control that or change that fact.
What can I do? Why does this hurt so much? Well guess what!?! My God is an amazing God and He uses whatever He can to draw us to himself. God is making it abundantly clear to me that what I see in my son is a HUGE component in my life with Jesus. I listen if & when I want to. When I get hurt from the STUPID decisions I've made without consulting Him, I yell, scream, and POUT at Him for clearly not caring about ME. This is a TRUST issue in my heart and in my gut. Everyday with my thoughts, words, and deeds I say, "Jesus, I got this 'cause I just don't trust you to get it right."
Hmmm…it's a good thing I'm eating a little humble pie 'cause suddenly I have the overwhelming taste of vomit in my own mouth. Yep, gotcha Lord. Thanks for the slap upside the head. Okay Lord, what can I do?? Luckily, unlike my sweet boy, my beliefs CAN be changed. I can look to Jesus. I can read about Him. I can lean on his unchanging grace. I can admit that I NEED YOU LORD and my kids NEED you! This is not up to me but to you. Continue the good work that you started in me Lord.
Mostly importantly, Lord, help me remember that vomit is not very tasty.
Four on the floor. Don't roll your eyes. Say kind words. Please pick up your legos..... You're defiantly not the only one who repeats her self over and over. But as I read your story I was reminded of how my Dad handled all four on the floor. The chair got taken away for the day. A kind reminder was given at the beginning of the day and if it was not obeyed... Goodbye chair. Just a thought to make a point. He won't forget if he has to stand or kneel a few times at the table.
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