It's been a long, long time

Wow-It has been a long time since I have blogged. I really feel like I'm ready to pick it back up again and hope that my audience is ready for it to.
I haven't had a lot to say about things for awhile. To be honest, I was really, really stuck in a nasty place. I HATED being in Yankton, parts of me HATED being an adoptive parent, and I HATED that I HATED so many things in my life. I was angry at God...angry that He could allow things to be so difficult for us when we were just trying to be obedient to Him. I mean really, c'mon now...doesn't He know that the world revolves around me? I thought everyone knew that!

It really took my trip to Haiti to help me put things into perspective. Hear me well, I am not "fixed", I am not running around in a euphoric stupor (that's just when I've worked a night shift and haven't gotten enough sleep-you've all seen it!), I am still a sinful and angry little person. I'm just trying really hard to see all the blessings I have in my life and around my life.

It has taken me awhile to process my trip to Haiti (yep-I'm admittedly a very slow processor). It was so wonderful and horrible at the same time. It was a trip full of contradictions at every pass. I loved every SINGLE minute of my trip-even the bus ride from the Dominican, it was actually a greyhound-like bus with a toilet, amazing!!!
I went with a group organized by World Wide Village, a ministry active in Haiti before the earthquake. My immediate group contained a doctor, a nurse, a paramedic (my family's awesome friend Tyler!), an EMT, and a social work student. Once we made it to our destination, Leogane-we were linked up with 2 other groups of health care workers (trauma surgeons, ortho surgeons, orthos, nurses, OBs, anesthetists, nurse anesthetists, infection disease specialists, etc.) It was awesome and I ran into some of the coolest people ever. Egos abound when you have that many "important" people running around but all in all it was pretty good.
My main focus was at the clinic where I helped with wound care. Saw some pretty interesting stuff that was probably super disgusting when it first happened (I was there 1 month post quake). Other things I did was help at our hospital/MASH unit doing "nurse stuff" IVs, meds, recovering patients, getting bossed around by drs :) Another day we went on a mobile clinic up in the mountains of Haiti-went to a "town" called Troiun (pronounced Twaa) I so wish I knew French. The native language is Kreyol-which is a mixture of french and african tribal language.

I loved every minute of what I was doing. Meeting tangible needs-being able to make a difference right there in that moment. The sucky part was knowing that I wasn't changing anything in the "big scheme of things". The people I worked with still had to go home to a tent or a makeshift shelter-even after a c-section! I was so humbled by the trust that was placed in me and my team. Someone that I told that said-"well, what choice did they have?" I don't think that was it-maybe a little bit, but it was still amazing to me. Could you imagine laying on a cot in a freezing (we had A/C, sort of, in our hospital and the Haitians got SO cold!), make shift hospital having a crazy-looking white lady standing over you holding a large needle to start an IV? That is trust, pure and simple my friend. I'm not that trusting-maybe I should work on that!

Another realization I came to is I'm a pretty ignorant person. Forgive me for saying so, but Americans as a whole kinda are. How many of us have been guilty of saying (or at least not reprimanding the person who says) "they are in our country they should learn OUR language"? Be honest. I feel like we have so much at our fingertips and take so much for granted and expect everything catered to us. I only speak one language and I do that poorly at times. I am impatient and rude. Some of our patients walked for hours upon hours to see us-with major injuries! They stood in line in the hot sun-they put up with that all I could do was smile at them until my interpreter was by my side. Ugh-next time I go I want to be able to communicate a little bit. I felt so ashamed of my lack of skills-but yet the people were gracious and welcoming and just plain awesome.

There is just too much for me to talk about. This blog post could be 50 feet long-I just had such an awesome time and learned so much and saw so much and experienced so much and was extended more grace and love than I have been in a long, long time. I will try to post again in the next few days more thoughts about my trip. By no means do I intend to try to be the expert on Haiti or the earthquake or Haitian culture. I was there 8 days-a blink of an eye. My experiences, opinions, thoughts, feelings are mine and mine alone.

All I know is that I left part of my heart in Haiti and I can't wait to go back again soon!